"Scorpio, This Week You'll Have More Twists Than a Death Star Corridor - Bring Your Lightsaber!"

"Scorpio, Prepare to Sting the Universe with Your Charm: Galactic Alignment Calls for Extra Doses of Sarcasm!"

"Scorpio's Week Ahead: Expect Cosmic Shenanigans, Planetary Pranks, and Black Holes of Boredom - It's Not Paranoia if the Universe Really Is Out to Get You!"

"Scorpio Forecast: Pluto may not be a planet anymore, but don't worry, your stinger's still sharp!"

"Scorpio Season Alert: Expect Intense Staring Contests with the Universe, and Maybe a Few Alien Abductions!"